SUBJECT: Why Deep Intimacy is Lacking in Most Relationships
SUBJECT: 3 Steps to More Rewarding Intimacy
It is understandable why so few couples reach the level of
deep, deep intimacy.
Vulnerability can be downright scary.
Perhaps you've been hurt once or twice when you exposed
your deepest longings and passions. But chances are you
haven't even come close to experiencing mutual vulnerability
in your relationships.
Here are some steps you can take to deepen the intimacy
with your partner.
1. Take baby steps. Don't share your entire life story when
you are new in a relationship. If you've been in a relationship
for a long time, don't suddenly *spill your guts* about everything
you've ever thought of, dreamed of, fantasized about. Build
your castle one brick at a time.
Whenever you have the opportunity (date night for instance )
share maybe one new thing that you've never talked about before.
Taking your time will not only build trust, it will build a
stronger foundation for your relationship to rest upon.
2. Make time and space for deep sharing. It is hard to share
personal thought and ideas if you have kids running around or while
sitting in the spectator stands at a sports match.
Seek out private places like parks, nature walks, candlelit dining
tables or even backyards watching fireflies. Sometimes having
a beverage and/or a snack can help slow you down and give you
enough time to begin some important conversations.
3. Talk about intimate issues. You can't grow deeply if all you ever
talk about is the kids and work. Your sexual life is (or will be
if you are working towards that goal) an incredibly important
part of cementing you two together. The bonds you build are
directly related to how open and honest each of you can be about
your intimate desires.
Bringing up "sex talk" can be uncomfortable, can't it? And depending
on how you approach it, the questions and answers might be so
vague that you really don't accomplish much.
One of the best ways I discovered to make these discussions
fun and non-threatening is to make our way through a list of questions
that someone else wrote so there isn't that feeling of "I wonder why
he/she is asking that question".
A great resource is at this website -
500 Intimate Questions for Couples
An effective way to go through questions like this is to have them
on your night stand or even cut up and put in a jar or box where you pull
out one or more to answer.
Deep intimacy takes time and effort to achieve but like building
a castle a brick at a time you eventually have a fortress that
can weather almost any attack.